Why ghosting sucks?

I ghosted her for as long as i could remember …then I taught I had seen a missed call from her and tried to get back to her.

“What happened? Do you know how many months now you left?” She asked.

I had no answers. First I tried to change subject. Then I apologized.

“It’s not about being sorry” “You made me feel like I did something wrong.” She concluded.

I was about rounding up a job stressing the hell out of me which I eventually quit … nothing else mattered. I stopped calling. I stopped picking her calls.

Every wrong I thought of her became true in those moments.

Now i was trying to get back – she was damn serious. She wouldn’t tolerate any iota of sarcasm. I was shocked at first …then I realized how serious the situation was.

It wasn’t my first time of ghosting her. The first time I did I actually blocked her because she stopped replying my texts or calls.

Why should she accept me back? I wasn’t even willing to come back for anything serious. I just wanted someone I could hang out with. She always saved the day. Amongst every lady I had met she was the most stubborn and strong willed.

Yet she loved dating. She loved hanging out. She loved pampering. Stripping her from this desire without a reason was unacceptable.

So many factors played against us ever understanding each other: Cooking, Parents, Stress.

I did want her to cook more real foods. I mean she cooked but was more into junks. She said she did when she was home with her parents. Especially for her dad who had some special meal requirements due to his chronic ailment since she was born.

But I didn’t believe. She always used studying as an excuse. She was the school type and prioritized grades over anything.

I don’t give a f**k about school or any reward they claim to offer. So this couldn’t hold water for me.

My sister had just passed from Cancer.

Then she complained of stress. I was running a physical business already plus interning in a busy teaching hospital with night shifts. Yet I never complained of stress. How does studying compare to the stress of working hard?

Then she wouldn’t visit her parents. If she did, it was so brief. It looked like she was meeting with some strangers. If the relationship between her and her parents appeared so weak – how much more of me a stranger?

We went out for her birthday. She mentioned where her mum came from. I never knew. I always thought both of her parents were from the same place. Now one of her parents was almost from a familiar place. But she hadn’t said this before.

Her family relationship didn’t sound any fun or inviting. Whenever I thought of the relationship – it was all red flags.

I started to complain to all my friends on how much I was spending. I literally calculated the amount for almost 6 months. Besides it didn’t match the value I was getting from the relationship.

At first she wouldn’t allow me touch her physically. Then she started to loosen up. But it was too late. My mind was off.

I ghosted. I didn’t even know the meaning of ghosting at that time. I just stopped contacting exactly after her birthday event. So she clearly remembered all the last memories.

I had no meaningful explanation on the call. So I ended the call.

But suddenly, It was like something had been taken off my chest. All these while I always thought of what would happen if we ran into each other somewhere.

It could be in her school. It could be at the hospital I worked. It could be anywhere.

Now it was all gone. I accepted the fact that we weren’t good for each other.

We were done. We were FREE.